The Year of the Wasp

I posted something on my Facebook page the other day and I said “I bet I have been through over 10 cans of that 20 foot wasp spray trying to kill nests of those pesky yellow jackets”. That was a week or so ago. Since then, I have probably been through another three cans. I had a neighbor come help me work some calves at my house the other day and we had to kill about three big nests before we could even sort cattle. We found one big nest on the head gate of the chute. I am glad we found that before we got the first calf in because that could have been a major wreck. We found a couple more under the barn by the gate where the cattle come in. I don’t know what is causing these little suckers to be so prolific, whether it is global warming or the oil spill in the Gulf or maybe even terrorists. I will tell you one sweet thing; those little dudes are everywhere.

Since my Facebook post a week or so ago, I went out after being gone for a week and was gonna kill a nest under an arbor that we have by our back porch and ended up getting stung. Not just stung in the arm or in the hand, but on the end of my nose. While I was shooting one nest there was another one about two feet away that I didn’t see. I was missing them, but they weren’t missing me. Other than the pain of the sting, I normally don’t have a lot of reaction to wasps or things like that. My wife, however, does have bad reactions when she gets stung and it’s never a good deal. Even a horse fly made her arm swell this summer to where we debated on going to the doctor. So after getting stung right on the end of my snoot, it’s not war anymore it’s “holy jihad”! Within a 100 yard radius of the Armes’ house, if it flies, it dies. I grew up here so I know the difference in most wasps. I don’t’ get too worked up over a dirt dauber because they are usually just busy working making mud nests everywhere. I don’t know that I have ever been stung by one. I’m sure they have the ability to sting but they normally don’t. They go about their business and you go about yours. But, I’m sorry; I officially now hate all wasps. I’m not sure what they volume discount would be on wasp spray but I have now become a wasp spray conessuier. I think I have used every brand out there this summer, from Lowes to Wal-Mart to the Co-op. I have killed wasps under trailer fenders, under the eve of the house, cattle chutes, even in trees. And, I’m just getting warmed up because those little yellow jackets are like little F-1 fighter jets and I think my next step may be a flame thrower. I know an old buddy, who I won’t name, who is really into Vietnam era weaponry and I’ll bet you a dollar bill that he would know where to get a flame thrower. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even ask him but I am tired of those little rascals buzzing around and causing trouble. So much for the theory of a good, cold winter reducing bugs. It may affect some of them, but I think it just gave the wasp population a steroid injection.

If you happen to drive by my place and see an old boy running with some kind of aerosol can in his hand, it’s probably me and I have probably just succeeded in making a new nest mad. I guess I should be glad that we have that stuff because I remember back in my old hay hauling days, all we had that would work quick was gasoline. You know the obvious drawbacks to that, but it would kill em’ grave yard dead. We had a lot more misses in those days. It was fun after my Facebook post the other day, some of the responses I got. A couple of my old cattle showing friends said the best wasp spray they had found was leg adhesive. That’s right, the same stuff we used to pull up the hair on a show calf’s leg. Leg adhesive was always the strongest and they said it would glue their wings down. One friend even said it was kinda nice to watch them suffer. After that sting on the nose, I might have to agree. So, if you go into your local hardware store and can’t find wasp spray, it’s probably me stocking up my underground bunker getting ready to wage war. I know the only real cure is winter time but because I just recently got powerfully close to 50, I hate to wish my life away and hurry the seasons along. In the meantime, I will be having a daily wasp killin’ at the Armes’ ranch.

If you would like to contact me while I am at the Capitol, please do not hesitate to call 1-800-522-8502 or send an e-mail to donarmes@okhouse.gov.

And here’s a little something to think about as you go down the road:

“When you are in politics, you are in a wasp’s nest with a short shirt tail.” –Mark Twain