Major Mystery Solved

I know that typically this time of year you would expect some type of Christmas story and actually, if you’ll bear with me, this will have a Christmas twist. The story starts with me making what I thought was going to be a quick up and back trip to Oklahoma City to pick up some items from the Capitol to allow me to complete my Christmas circuit. I left about mid morning Saturday to make this simple run, little did I know that through the magic of Christmas I would learn the answer that has eluded many of us for years. The question was “why do guys who live in major metro areas drive big jacked up four wheel drives”? It’s an easy answer for those of us in rural areas who must traverse muddy roads, pull trailers, haul cattle and many other day to day chores that often times require four wheel drive and sometimes fairly high GVW’s. Most of us in the farming and ranching business wouldn’t dream of owning a two wheel drive pick up. I can’t tell you the last time that I owned a pickup that wasn’t a 4x4; it’s just not worth it. The mystery remained. Why did the city guys feel the need to drive those kinds of rigs with all the draw backs there are like the inability to park in a multi level parking garage, not to mention poor fuel economy and a whole list of other things that would seem to steer them toward a smaller vehicle, more suited to maneuvering the urban jungle. Now let’s rewind to my Saturday trip to Oklahoma City. As I said earlier, I had to make a stop at the Capitol and needed one more item to fill a Christmas order so, being a country boy, I made a tactical error and decided to make a quick stop by Penn Square Mall. Rookie mistake to say the least. I’m used to wide open spaces, plenty of room to move around and I found Penn Square Mall to be a polar opposite of that scenario especially given that it was “Black Saturday”. I’m quite certain that 94.6% of the residents of Oklahoma City were at that very location at that very moment. It is one of those deals where once you’re committed by turning into that parking lot, you’re there and there’s no way out. Well, of course, as fate would have it I made that commitment and what an adventure it was! I heard all manner of horns as impatient Christmas shoppers in the true Christmas spirit loved thy neighbor and indicated that love by laying on that horn to try to force traffic to move in a situation that was seemingly impossible. As I sat in the line just trying to navigate around the perimeter of the mall, I discovered the need for four wheel drive in the city. It was so simple it’s a wonder I haven’t already figured it out. It’s simply so they can park. It has nothing to do with “man status” or testosterone or any of the things you’d think but a four wheel drive allows you to not only jump curbs but to climb small hills and park on grassy areas that I’m sure some mall architect intended to be used for beautification and to provide some green space around the sea of pavement. But I’m here to tell ya’, the urban cowboys can park those rigs in some pretty unconventional places when necessary. Grassy knolls and buffer strips were utilized in every way shape and form and I’d say the parking was maxed out. I saw some people parked in some places that I wouldn’t have even tried on my Yamaha four wheeler. I can just imagine the white knuckles of some of the wives as their macho urban husbands jammed it down in four wheel drive, jumped the curb and headed up the hill and it would probably be pretty un- Christian to repeat anything that was said inside the cabs of those pickups and SUV’s. Kinda’ like the old phrase “hold my beer and watch this” but park they did and I’m sure they shopped till they dropped and the mystery of the urban four wheel drive was solved. Man cards were maintained and missions were accomplished.

I hope that this Christmas season finds each of you well and I hope that you find time to enjoy your families and enjoy the laughter of children and the excitement in their eyes. It’s a magical season and a time to make memories. Merry Christmas and best wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

If you would like to contact me at the Capitol, please do not hesitate to call 1-800-522-8502 or email me at donarmes@okhouse.gov

And here’s a little something to think about as you go down the road:
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. ~Author Unknown